Three IPL Fans Walk Into a Bar…

The scene: a Mumbai Indians (MI) fan and a Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) fan are sitting at a bar in Chennai watching the Indian Premier League preview show. A transcript of their conversation, where we shall refer to them as MI and RCB respectively:

MI: Finally, we’re going to win the IPL this year. We’ll be the Champions League and IPL champs. Go MI!!!
RCB: That’s a good one, Mumbai boy. You guys don’t have a shot. I have two names for you: Virat Kohli and Chris Gayle. You think anyone is going to manage to beat us with those two stars in the form they are?
MI: You guys aren’t even going to make the semi-finals.
RCB: Really?
MI: Yup, I figure that with you guys flying Kingfisher Airlines, you probably won’t make it in time to play your away games.
RCB: That’s real funny. Did you have the entire Reliance team work on that joke for you?

A local Chennai Super Kings (CSK) supporter walks in wearing their yellow jersey.

RCB: [to CSK] Hey, this guy [pointing at MI] actually thinks the Mumbai Indians will win!
CSK: That’s sweet MI, but it’s going to be a three-peat for us. We’ll be like Michael Jordan’s Bulls, with [M. S.] Dhoni as Michael and [Suresh] Raina as Scottie Pippen.
MI: There is no way you guys are pulling it off once more. We have Kieron Pollard in superb form, Richard Levi who holds the record for the fastest T20 century and Rohit Sharma. Add to that a post-hundredth hundred, stress- and captaincy- free Sachin Tendulkar and our opponents will be chasing 200 in every game.
RCB: And who is going to bowl for you? [Lasith] Malinga has been spanked by Kohli. Who else do you have? R. P. Singh? “The Turbanator?” [Harbhajan Singh] He’s lucky to have made it into the playing eleven.
MI: The Slinga Malinga is a different player in T20. He is going to be stronger than ever.
CSK: Have to side with RCB on this one. You guys have a good batting line up MI, but speaking as a two-time IPL champion, you need a balanced side to win. On the batting side, we have Dhoni, Raina, Michael Hussey, [Subramaniam] Badrinath and Murali Vijay. On the bowling side, we have [Ravichandran] Ashwin, [Doug] Bollinger, [Ben] Hilfenhaus and [Albie] Morkel. Wow, just saying those names out loud makes me certain of the three-peat.
RCB: Err, that’s impressive CSK, but it’s not going to be good enough. Besides the devastating duo of Kohli and Gayle, we have AB de Villiers, Tillakaratne Dilshan, Zaheer Khan, Dirk Nannes and Saurabh Tiwary. Wow, just saying those names out loud makes me certain that the Super Kings are done. The new ruler is the King of Good Times.

A Kolkata Knight Riders fan (KKR) walks in.

KKR: How’s it going, gentlemen? I am looking forward to a competitive IPL, as I am sure you chaps are, too?
RCB: Competitive? KKR? No more drinks for you. You’ve had too much. Next thing you know, you’ll be saying [Kings XI] Punjab and Pune [Warriors] have a chance.
MI: I heard SRK is planning on showing the team Ra.One before every game just to get the players frustrated and angry for the match.
KKR: A poor attempt at humour, young man. Ra.One was just ahead of its time, much like our teams of years past. This is the year Yusuf [Pathan] will make his comeback, [Gautam] Gambhir will be sublime, [Jacques] Kallis and [Bret] Lee will be lethal.

The MI, RCB and CSK boys walk to the other end of the bar. It’s a waste of their time to argue with a KKR fan on the subject of winning, simply because he doesn’t have any experience with it.

RCB: Did you hear KKR? The owner is a powerful celeb, but not like ours.
MI: Like yours? What about ours?
CSK: You guys really want to talk about powerful owners in cricket?
RCB: The bottom line, boys, is that this is a three-team race. So let’s all pick a team besides ours that we feel can win. I am going to have to say MI.
CSK: I’ll say MI too. Sachin not being captain gives you the best chance you’ve had in years. Who is your pick MI?… MI?

MI is at the bar ordering a bottle of champagne. He thinks he’s already taken home the cup.

To see the full match schedule, visit espncricinfo.com.