‘Aashayein’ Is Incredibly Painful

Director: Nagesh Kukunoor
Cast: John Abraham, Anaitha Nair, Sonal Sehgal, Girish Karnad, Farida Jalal, Ashwin Chitale
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆

Over the course of two hours, director Nagesh Kukunoor manages to show not one but a whole host of incredible things. Rahul Sharma (Abraham) has lung cancer but can still run around the streets of Hyderabad hollering madly. Instead of becoming haggard, the closer Rahul comes to death, the more tanned he gets. There is a hospice for terminal patients that looks like a boutique hotel and has six chefs, including one who specialises in Chinese. A bald boy, rumoured to be blessed with prophetic powers, gets Rahul to quit smoking by flashing a blue light in his face and feeding him mangoes. Shreyas Talpade, in Hawaiian print shirts and beads around his neck and wrist, is a rock music star.

Aashayein begins with Rahul finding out he has three months to live, a little after he has made a killing by betting on a cricket match. Unable to bear the thought of being a burden on his girlfriend, he checks into a hospice, where he makes friends with a few of his fellow inmates, notably Padma, a prickly 17-year-old (Nair) and Govinda, the aforementioned boy. At the intermission, Rahul has literally seen the light: it’s an unflattering blue and cures him of his cigarette addiction. At the end of the film—spoiler alert —he thinks he’s Indiana Jones and sets off to find the fountain of youth in the Himalayas. (This is actually how the film ends, see what we meant by incredible?)

We’re not sure what’s worse, Abraham’s acting or Kukunoor’s direction. Abraham manages to have the same expression when he’s won a cricket match and when he’s shocked at a child’s death. Occasionally, he prods his torso, almost as though he’s checking if his pecs are still intact under his white kurta. Kukunoor manages to make a dream sequence in which Rahul is Indiana Jones, boring. He also suggests that it’s fine to have sex with a minor if she’s about to die. Perhaps the most incredible thing about Aashayein is that Kukunoor was once hailed as one of the smartest filmmakers in India. Of late, he seems to be going the M. Night Shyamalan way. Both love doing cameos in their films, both are churning out stories that aren’t just unbelievable but also ineptly told, and both have a bald kid with superpowers in their latest film.

Deepanjana Pal is a journalist and the author of The Painter: A Life of Ravi Varma. She is currently developing a keen appreciation for lazy brunches and coffee breaks in Bandra while working on her freelance assignments.